This is probably silly of me but it kind of bothers me. I’ve now tried to post on two separate occasions on fuckyeahftms and it hasn’t gotten posted once. I know that I can make more friends if something of mine did get posted…
Like I said, me being silly.
I am asked everyday
what being trans really is.
Now I can not say
for anyone but me
the spectrum is too broad.
However, if you would like
trans is this:
Trans is hate.
Hate of the body that betrays
Hate of the voice’s pitch-
always too high.
Hate of the people around me
the people close to me.
Hate from those that do not even know me.
Trans is waking up and looking down
Starting the day with deep seated horror
Never ending dread.
Forever uncomfortable
even in my own head.
Trans is going out of my way
to be as manly as can be.
It is cringing at flowery smells
barely willing to use lotion.
Trans is restricted breathing
and painful rashes.
Trans is infinite patience
for family and friends
that simply do not comprehend.
They claim discomfort at addressing me right.
All I can think is that they do not know uncomfortable
unless they were constantly mocked for the things the lack-
the parts they lack.
Trans is being alone
terrified of getting close to anyone
never knowing what they really see.
Trans is dating women
feeling inadequate around other men.
Hiding behind a pair of breasts not my own
to compare how well I pass.
Trans is dysphoria
Hiding in unexpected places.
Waiting to catch me off guard
to tear my shaky self-esteem apart.
Trans is wanting scars
to show my progress thus far.
Trans is plans for tattoos
parts of my incorrect body transformed
into works of art I can accept.
Trans is piercings to show
that I am tough.
I control my body
I can sculpt it
mold it.
Trans is working out
achieving balance and health.
Trying to prepare for shirtless summer days
and quick glances of approval from strangers.
Trans is being physically ill
every time a month has gone by.
Blood soaked bandages and organs otherwise ignored.
Trans is hyper aware
of every pronoun mistake.
Trans is wounds
Inside
Outside
Inflicted or made.
Trans is denial
depression brought on by inaction.
Trans is never making the first move
knowing rejection will shatter me.
Knowing it would be because I am not good enough,
strong enough,
male enough.
I can not say
What trans is for others.
Trans for me
Is just about surviving
Hoping to find a way
A reason
to start living.
(Source: sultrysexysweet, via oublietterated)
Mummy bondage.
(Source: thatlittlekink)
Right, now that I actually have people following me, I will post stuff here. This is the wisdom of me for today:
free chocolate=happiness
Is there anything more to be said?
I’m brand new to tumblr and all of its charms, so you’ll have to forgive my lack of doing much with it….
About Me: I’m 16 and trans*male-came out seven months ago or so. Pre-everything (especially considering my family is LDS/Mormon and so not at all accepting). I am pansexual with a history of dating girls but am more attracted to masculine people. I write and read-have a new thing of writing out stories and cartoon sketches on white boards that seems to work really well for me. Erm, I’m kinky and a sub in that lifestyle. Even though I hang out with all the stoners, I myself do not do drugs/smoke/drink/etc. but do not mind if someone else does.
Shows I watch: Supernatural, Burn Notice, BBC Sherlock, Stargate, etc.
Hobbies: writing, cartooning, reading, screwing with people, cooking/baking, etc.
So there’s some basic stuff. Message me and such to get to know me better. I tend to frequent facebook more than here…
