Look at me without your eyes.

Hello, I am Bent (or Ben). I am an existentialist, trans*boy that writes (fanfiction especially), does comics, and much, much more. Pansexual and single with a bad dating past. Here to do whatever it is that people do on here. Feel free to message me for anything.

This is Silly

This is probably silly of me but it kind of bothers me. I’ve now tried to post on two separate occasions on fuckyeahftms and it hasn’t gotten posted once. I know that I can make more friends if something of mine did get posted…

Like I said, me being silly.

Trans for Me (a not!poem)

I am asked everyday

what being trans really is.

Now I can not say

for anyone but me

the spectrum is too broad.

However, if you would like

trans is this:

Trans is hate.

Hate of the body that betrays

Hate of the voice’s pitch-

always too high.

Hate of the people around me

the people close to me.

Hate from those that do not even know me.

Trans is waking up and looking down

Starting the day with deep seated horror

Never ending dread.

Forever uncomfortable

even in my own head.

Trans is going out of my way

to be as manly as can be.

It is cringing at flowery smells

barely willing to use lotion.

Trans is restricted breathing

and painful rashes.

Trans is infinite patience

for family and friends

that simply do not comprehend.

They claim discomfort at addressing me right.

All I can think is that they do not know uncomfortable

unless they were constantly mocked for the things the lack-

the parts they lack.

Trans is being alone

terrified of getting close to anyone

never knowing what they really see.

Trans is dating women

feeling inadequate around other men.

Hiding behind a pair of breasts not my own

to compare how well I pass.

Trans is dysphoria

Hiding in unexpected places.

Waiting to catch me off guard

to tear my shaky self-esteem apart.

Trans is wanting scars

to show my progress thus far.

Trans is plans for tattoos

parts of my incorrect body transformed

into works of art I can accept.

Trans is piercings to show

that I am tough.

I control my body

I can sculpt it

mold it.

Trans is working out

achieving balance and health.

Trying to prepare for shirtless summer days

and quick glances of approval from strangers.

Trans is being physically ill

every time a month has gone by.

Blood soaked bandages and organs otherwise ignored.

Trans is hyper aware

of every pronoun mistake.

Trans is wounds

Inside

Outside

Inflicted or made.

Trans is denial

depression brought on by inaction.

Trans is never making the first move

knowing rejection will shatter me.

Knowing it would be because I am not good enough,

strong enough,

male enough.

I can not say

What trans is for others.

Trans for me

Is just about surviving

Hoping to find a way

A reason

to start living.

End of the Year

Right, now that I actually have people following me, I will post stuff here. This is the wisdom of me for today:

free chocolate=happiness

Is there anything more to be said?

FIRST POST

I’m brand new to tumblr and all of its charms, so you’ll have to forgive my lack of doing much with it….

About Me: I’m 16 and trans*male-came out seven months ago or so. Pre-everything (especially considering my family is LDS/Mormon and so not at all accepting). I am pansexual with a history of dating girls but am more attracted to masculine people. I write and read-have a new thing of writing out stories and cartoon sketches on white boards that seems to work really well for me. Erm, I’m kinky and a sub in that lifestyle. Even though I hang out with all the stoners, I myself do not do drugs/smoke/drink/etc. but do not mind if someone else does.

Shows I watch: Supernatural, Burn Notice, BBC Sherlock, Stargate, etc.

Hobbies: writing, cartooning, reading, screwing with people, cooking/baking, etc.

So there’s some basic stuff. Message me and such to get to know me better. I tend to frequent facebook more than here…